Most days are hard for me, some days are harder than others. Having chronic pain takes its toll on you emotionally as well as physically. Mentally, every day I have to struggle to hold myself together. I’m already a sensitive person. I feel every emotion to the deepest depths, it helps me to experience joy and love to great extremes, but also sadness and pain. I have something of a pain tolerance, I’m sure, but it still bothers me in the long run. Sometimes I just want to cry and scream. I am weak, I am overcome.
But that’s when I’m strong.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)
I’m always amazed by Paul when he wrote this in the Bible, he had his own suffering to deal with. He begged God and begged God to take it away from him, just like I so often do. Instead, he started to boast about his weaknesses, delight in them even. I’m usually quick to respond to people who say that I’m strong, that I’m not. I’m sooo not. I’m weak, some days I’m so weak that I don’t know how I can go on another day. I don’t think that I can survive, but somehow I do. But in your weakness, there is strength. In your dark places, there is light.
Life was never meant to be easy, nobody is having smooth sailing out there. But when we encounter ourselves in these places of brokenness, it’s the way that we rebuild ourselves that matters.
There are many things that I don’t have, some things I would like to have but can’t, some things I believe I would need to have. I see prayers being answered for other people left and right and I think, what about me? When’s my big miracle coming?
And just like that, little blessings began trickling in. Providing in ways that show me that, not only does God care about my needs, but also about things that I want. The more that I walk by faith and not by sight, the more that I take those little steps every day to just be grateful for the things that I have, the more that things just seem to work out. It’s not any gigantic miracle like I thought, but instead its tons and tons of little miracles that make me dance and sing. It makes my faith grow and it lets me know, he still cares. He never left me, and he never will. On the days like today when I can’t find the energy to go on, I don’t have to. I can be completely and totally weak. I can be broken.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
It’s okay to be broken, it’s okay to be worn down and tired. In fact when you’re crushed in spirit, God is closer than ever and it’s all going to be okay. He never said that we won’t have days when we feel like we can’t make it, but that’s when it’s time for us to call in some heavy back up.
If you’re in a place of brokenness right now, know that God loves you and so do I.
You can make it. Just keep going.